Day 8 - Jewellery

I have a few things I wear all the time now and these are very special to me.

Adrian bought 2 Crouches of Queen Cleopatra in Egypt when we were pregnant and had decided on Sophie's middle name of Cleo. There was one for me and one for Sophie when she was old enough. This baby one was for her and Adrian now wears the one he bought for me. We keep her close to our hearts.

The other piece I wear is her hands and feet in silver. I searched for a year trying to find the perfect representation of her prints.. well perfect enough for me anyway. I got this from the UK and I am lost without it.

Day 7 - What to Say

This seems to be a common theme among angel parents. For us it is always a hard one and a complete conversation stopper. You can see the air change in a conversation almost every time we mention Sophie and that breaks my heart. I used to be offended (and I still can be at times) but now I realise it's not me that has the issue it's their issue, their lack of knowledge and maybe even compassion.

We will always say her name loud and proud so don't shy away when we do. Sophie is and always will be our daughter.

Day 6 - What not to say

Well this is a tough one and probably not something I would have ever put into writing. Let's be honest there have been a few choice phrases said to us over the time but these are the ones that have stuck with me for almost 4 years. Some people should just not speak...

1. 'Don't worry, you can have another baby'
(Really? You seriously don't meant that... Our daughter died. I almost died... do you really want to say that? Yes we were lucky enough to but only after almost 4 years of struggle and a wonderful amazing surrogate to delivery him for us!! No we couldn't just have another baby!)

2. 'Ah, it's probably for the best'
(Best for who? Sophie was perfect and it was the medical profession that let her and us down. She should be here but they decided she was safer inside my uterus... how wrong they all were!)

3. 'Wow, she was a real baby' (after seeing her photos)
(Umm yes she was.. flesh and blood and absolutely gorgeous! I ask the question..at what age do people thing babies are real?)

4. Are you over it yet?? Or even better.. I'm sure you have moved on by now?
(Simply never ever going to happen. I miss Sophie even more now that I have Hamish! Every time I look at him I wonder how she would have looked at his age. How it would have felt to see her smile. Please know that I will never be over losing my daughter, not last week, not tomorrow and not next year. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, categorically the worst.. nothing will surpass her death.

I am sure there are others but for whatever reason my small and delicate brain has protected me and allowed me to forget them.

Day 5 - Memorial

We don't really have a memorial as such but when we visit Sophie's grave we make a big deal. Each birthday is showered with special cakes and balloons... but every time we go we take something special for her as if she were here and asking for toys!

Having no idea what the right thing to do was we chose a baby area at Rookwood in Sydney for her as we knew other mums, dads and family would visit the area and we found that comforting.  There are always toys, photos and special items left for the bubbas. One thing we did start was windmills and I love arriving and seeing all the colours moving in the breeze. It’s our special gift for Sophie.