The highs and lows

I am feeling highly strung today. I had to deliver some documents to a client a few blocks away and I was keen for the walk so I was happy for the distraction. The sun was beautiful, even among the tall city buildings you could feel the warmth. I must say the weather at the moment in Sydney is just beautiful. So I was in a good mood, letting the sun touch my skin and enjoying the rays when it hit me. My mood went from enjoyment to complete anger. By the time I got back to the office I had passed what seemed to be a thousand pregnant women all basking in their own glory. I remember that glow, that excitement, that innocence and I can’t help but feel completely jealous of them all.

Why did we have to lose out on that? Why does my gorgeous hard working, intelligent, wonderful husband have to get teary at what he doesn’t have? Never again will we look at children or babies without thinking about Sophie and all that we missed out on. It just sucks beyond words.

I wonder if I will ever stop being angry. Right now and after 16 months without Sophie I am not convinced.

Life is testing

Today we found out that Adrian's bets friend has stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The news is not good and you know how he found out... he bowled a ball on a cricket pitch 3 weeks ago and broke his hip! Healthy, happy father of a 2 year boy (a God son to Adrian) may not live to see his sons 3rd birthday.

I am not talking to the man above as it is but come on... what is it with nice people being hurt ALL THE TIME! I try so hard to be positive, to overcome all life throws at us but none of this makes sense. Babies don't make it.. nice people get sick. Lets not even get into the fact that there is so much low life scum out there who don't deserve any of what they get in life but seem to thrive.

What do we need to do to get some sort of harmony is this life?