I am feeling highly strung today. I had to deliver some documents to a client a few blocks away and I was keen for the walk so I was happy for the distraction. The sun was beautiful, even among the tall city buildings you could feel the warmth. I must say the weather at the moment in Sydney is just beautiful. So I was in a good mood, letting the sun touch my skin and enjoying the rays when it hit me. My mood went from enjoyment to complete anger. By the time I got back to the office I had passed what seemed to be a thousand pregnant women all basking in their own glory. I remember that glow, that excitement, that innocence and I can’t help but feel completely jealous of them all.
Why did we have to lose out on that? Why does my gorgeous hard working, intelligent, wonderful husband have to get teary at what he doesn’t have? Never again will we look at children or babies without thinking about Sophie and all that we missed out on. It just sucks beyond words.
I wonder if I will ever stop being angry. Right now and after 16 months without Sophie I am not convinced.