Thursday, January 28, 2010

A list of the all the things that they dont tell you about loss...

Just wanted to share something that was sent to me by a friend the other day and it rang true.

They don't tell you..

  • That when you first lose your baby, there will be days where when you wake up in the morning, for a split second you forget that you have lost your baby, and then the blinding realistion hits and its like losing your baby all over again
  • That most people in your life just don't and will never 'get it' but if you're really lucky, you'll find a great online forum to talk about things you'd never dare discuss with people in real life, and the women just 'get it'
  • That your instincts are generally right and should be trusted
  • That your world has changed forever and you are now part of a club you never wished to be a part of
  • That until your EDD it'll feel like you're somewhat in limbo - you'll probably know how many weeks you were meant to be at any given stage
  • That your EDD will either be a very sad day, or you'll feel numb - and that the lead up to the day will be worse than the actual day
  • That even after your EDD you'll still be counting - "my baby would have been x weeks, months, years old now"
  • That every anniversary of the loss and EDD you'll remember
  • That every mothers day you'll feel like screaming from the rooftops "But I'm a mummy too!!!!!" and every birthday and Christmas you'll feel like someone is missing
  • That all of a sudden there will be an abundance of pregnant women and babies everywhere you go
  • That you'll be looking at the pregnant women and babies and think how you would've looked if you hadn't lost your baby, or how big your baby would be now or what they would've looked like
  • That every time you hear about a friend or relative getting pregnant or having a baby, you'll feel a stabbing in your heart and its just so hard to fight the pangs of jealousy and emptiness that you are feeling because it just feels so unfair
  • That you'll hear news stories about abused children or see them in your neighbourhood and it'll just rip your heart out and make you feel so ripped off that people like that are able to procreate and do that to their child when you would never have been like that to yours.
  • That you'll feel so annoyed and frustrated (maybe even a little jealous) hearing women complain about their pregnancies, even if they're justified in complaining
  • That you'll always wonder "why" and find ways to blame yourself. If you're really lucky you get an answer, but most sadly don't and somehow you just have to live with the why's but they never tell you how to live with that
  • That suddenly a simple question such as "do you have kids?" can lead to all sorts of dilemmas and feelings
  • That there are just not enough tears - that you can cry until you can't cry anymore and still feel so empty and sad because of your loss
  • That there are just no words that adequately describe how you feel when you lose your baby/babies

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