Another baby? I so wish we could!

I am unlike many of the women on here. I cannot try and get pregnant to help with the pain and make my husband smile again. If I did I could die. What a really shitty card to be dealt.. Everyday I take that little pill in the knowledge that if I don't... well I don't want to think about that right now. All I know is it sucks.

I have done a lot of research on 'my condition' and it is rare that's for sure. Most Dr's have read about it in a journal somewhere but never had a patient with it. My Dr is the lucky one hey! Basically the major blood flow to the uterus is right where mine exploded and though it is sewn up it's really not recommended to try again. There is a Dr who can apparently open me up again and 'restitch the stitch' but I am not sure I am ready for that kind of pain again. Even after this there is no guarantee it will work again. Pain for nothing.. I can do pain for some possibility but for nothing...come on.

So what else can happen? Well the baby might choose to attach onto the scar, not get enough food and not survive. The scar could rupture from the baby's growth, both of us could die but if they got the baby out in time the chance of them having severe brain damage from lack of oxygen is fairly high. Having another rupture and bleeding to death is not how I want to die and I don't want to lose another baby. It's just not fair. All we want is a baby.. why does it have to be so bloody hard.