Wednesday, June 3, 2009

True Love

I love my Sophie Bear so much! I miss her so much it hurts so much more than I could ever put into words. I miss what we would have and SHOULD have had and sometimes it completely eats me up. I love you Sophie Cleo... you have touched our world like nothing we ever imagined and we love you with all our hearts. Sometimes it just hurts so much more.. guess that is now for me.

I am away on holidays at the moment and am missing my DH enormously. When we are apart it feels wrong. We have connected in ways we probably never would have through Sophie. Sometimes I am happy with the knowledge that our little girl has brought us to a place we may never have known, and other times I am grief stricken at why we had to find this side of us. He is amazing and I am eternally grateful for his love, compassion and comfort.

I have been visiting my best friend and my God Children again in the NT. Its lovely to be with them, I am part of the family, but a part of me never loses sight of the loss and the pain I constantly feel. It's just so hard to know that you will never see the smiles or hear the giggles of your beautiful child. It SUCKS completely and I wonder if I will ever truly be happy and content again. Amazing how your life can change forever in an instant and amazing how the world around you will never know what's really going on inside.

On this trip I am really trying to take in the beauty of the world as hard as it is.
Today we went to Edith Falls. It is a beautiful haven, everywhere you look is breathtaking, waterholes and waterfalls. We swam and laughed and took in the landscape (and hoped there were no crocs around!). Amazes me that in a few weeks I will be back in Sydney and wearing a scarf and coat out and complaining about the cold. Here it is still and the nights are warm. The only time you feel the cool is right before dawn which is a gorgeous time. Amee and I went for a bike ride this morning around Katherine and it was lovely as the sun popped it's head up.
Here we are swimming and exhausted...No Crocs...HOPE NOT!?Off to Singapore tomorrow to see my Brother, SIL and 16 month old Nephew Oliver. Will try to make the most of the time there and enjoy their hospitality, even if it is without my beautiful DH who is my rock. Sophie and I love you so much Daddy! We wish you were here!!!

1 comment:

  1. Glad you are getting to enjoy some other places and scenery....the water looks luscious....though I know it is never enough after having lost your child....and all the thoughts that she would be doing all these things with you....
    My husband and I too have grown in ways I could have never imagined and I know how it feels wrong to be away from him.
    Enjoy your time and take in each new breath....