When you lose a child you lose innocence. I once believed in so much but I struggle with it now...and it's the simple things I find the hardest to deal with. I was always a 'glass half full' kind gal, always smiling and laughing and enjoyed life. For now that person has gone. I hope I can return there one day but this enormous cloud just keeps brewing up a storm.
The grief we experience in losing a child has a way of wiping all innocence and hope from you. For me now it's only people who have lost babies that seem to understand this. Right now I find comfort in complete strangers because they get it. It's a shame that people close to us don't have the same ability to understand. And you know the worst thing...the only way to help the spark return is having another child but that is not always possible. It's true! You're not trying to replace your beautiful baby but you still want the future with a child. How do you redirect your life when it is in such turmoil?
I knew people would drop in and out of our lives after losing Sophie, that was always going to happen. But I have also made a decision to only have people in my life who actually give a stuff. You know the people who are always hard work.. 'why haven't you called' people or the relative who expects everything but gives nothing in return. Everything they say is inappropriate, selfish and tactless and not needed. Life is hard enough without adding negative energy to it. So I am clearing a path for more good energy and who knows some new friends who get it.