Thursday, February 5, 2009

Bereavement means, literally, to be deprived by death

We saw a counsellor last night, not that we don't talk to each other but I think it helped just having open discussions with another person. It changes nothing though, Sophie is still not here and we are still heartbroken but to know that you are not going insane is a good thing. We are passing through the steps of grief which is apparently the physical sign of a loss. After we go through the motions of Denial (is seeing flashes of us doing things with Sophie denial...yep), Anger (oh we are soooo angry... why were we chosen to walk this path), Bargaining (I wished it was me and not her), Depression (not being able to speak and hiding away from the world) and Acceptance (not in this lifetime), there is yet another acronym TEAR.

T = To accept the reality of the loss (not sure we will for a while yet)
E = Experience the pain of the loss (constantly)
A = Adjust to the new environment without the lost object (trying to)
R = Reinvest in the new reality (beginning to build this but how hard it is!)

Still today seems to be a good day. If there is a 'normal' at this time I guess I feel it a little. We had some hand and feet casts made of Sophie and today I dropped off the photo of her we chose for the frame. I cannot wait to bring it home. It's like there is a piece of her with us. I am so glad we made that decision... no regrets was all we were thinking while she was with us.

My favourite thing to do at the moment is go with Adrian and my girls for a walk each night after the heat has settled. Adrian picks me Frangipani's as we walk and we often come home and lay on the grass looking at the stars with the puppies. We always talk to Soph! Sammy J 11 and Emma 1o are both getting on and it's good to check so we are going to the vet today for a check up. Sam had cancer last year and we fought with her through it.. 13 months on she is doing well but for old bones which is expected.

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