Monday, February 2, 2009

I want to dream of Sophie

I always wondered what was going through her mind. What is it babies dream or think about? Did she feel the same happiness when I laughed? Did she see my thoughts of her at 4 years old picking flowers in a field or taking a photo of her for her first day of school? We are told that babies have REM in the womb but what does the brain show them when they have never seen anything?

I so hope that Sophie played with puppies in her dreams! When she was awake I hope she heard us talking to her everyday. I know she felt her daddy blowing raspberries on my tummy cause she would punch him when he did it. I hope she saw the different lights, heat and sounds in the different parts of the world we travelled with her. I hope she smiled when she felt the love and joy we had in knowing we were bringing a beautiful girl into the world. I hope our complete happiness gave her the sweetest of dreams.

Sophie Cleo never got the chance to see a puppy. She was born sleeping on 14th December 2008 at 1.59am at 32 weeks. She never took her first breath; she never cried her first cry and never saw our mouths whisper "I love you".

Losing Sophie is so raw for both of us. It is absolutely THE WORST feeling in the world to lose a child. We have dark days and then darker ones. The world keeps turning and the waves keep smashing us. I hope writing about my thoughts and feelings helps us get through this grief but I am not counting on it. For now I remember my beautiful angel and all that she gave us in her very short time on earth.

I just wish I could see you in my dreams gorgeous girl...

1 comment:

  1. Hi Kyles,

    I'm so sorry to have to come across your blog this way. Your story is heartbreaking..... Sophie is beautiful (I love the flowers on her gorgeous little feet).
    We lost our Nicholas back in November 2008. We are still so new to this journey and it is so very, very hard to continue to put one foot in front of the other.
    This community of "baby lost mama's" is a wonderful support... I hope it helps you in some small way.

    Sending you strength,
    Lea xo