When I cam home from hospital I was unable to do anything psychically and emotionally I was a complete mess. As much as I wanted to go out there was no way I was able. At times it drove me nuts but then slowly my home became my hideaway and eventually my sanctuary. I was allowed to cry, watch bad movies, cry some more and sleep in the hope that I would wake up from the nightmare. I found such comfort in these walls. I don't have to see the neighbours, don't have to answer the phone, I don't have to tell my story again to someone new...I can get comfortable and wait for the day to finish and see Adrian again.
Today was the first day I stepped out into the real world without Adrian. I figured a Wednesday morning would be pleasant enough to throw myself into it. To be honest I had never taken much notice of what happens in a shopping centre but I quickly learned that although there are less people mid week the people shopping are all happy mothers with their babies!! Oh give me a break! The universe was sending me yet another crappy reminder message... AS IF I DON'T KNOW!!
There I was standing at the checkout at Ikea minding my own business. Bored I stupidly looked around only to see 3 women behind me with their items and their babies! I stood there and fought back the tears. Why can't I try some innocent shopping without wanting to run home and cry my eyes out? I take one big step and then end up being pushed back 10. When will simple tasks not hurt?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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