My gorgeous husband came home last night and looked like he had faced Sophie's death all over again...in a lot of ways he had. All I could do was listen and hug him and try and give him some of the strength I had.
He had gone to a business dinner with a group of people (around 180) we had travelled to Egypt with last year when we were 5 months with Sophie. Of course everyone knew we were expecting and were all excited. I had women telling me birthing stories the whole trip and many of them predicting what we would have etc.
For those who attended last night many of them knew and offered condolences, but to his surprise a lot of them didn't know! He had a dozen people come up to him at all stages of the night asking the excited "what did you have" question.. "How's Kylie and the new baby". I guess the fact that I was not there also meant they assumed I was home with the bub... how I wish with everything that was true!
What we learnt was not to expect that the grapevine always talks. These people all own their own businesses in the same field but obviously don't talk beyond business. We thought for sure they would have all found out but it was like a few key players knew and didn't let people know. How much easier would it have been if an email was sent to all. It would have saved Adrian the heartache of telling the story and the people who didn't know the embarrassment and shock.
He was also faced with that dreaded statement "oh you are both young, you can try again". Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I hate that. How rude to pass off a beautiful child you carried and loved for something that might not even be a reality!! Imagine their surprise when he then has to tell them, "Actually Kylie almost died and we probably won't be able to have children again". People are just plain stupid sometimes.
So tonight we are having dinner with the same group of people and I can only imagine what will happen. I am really hoping the grapevine will work today, they talk at the conference and people won't be so shocked. Adrian has told me I don't have to go as it's an unknown and he doesn't think it will be easy, but I need to be there for him. Last night was a bus crash for him and it broke my heart to see his sadness. We need to have combined strength to deal with this.
It's amazing not only do you have to deal with losing your child, you have to see other babies around you to undeserving people, you have to face the possibility of never being a parent here on earth and you have to face stupid people who have NO IDEA and will never face such tragedy.
While time goes on and our lives move forward we both know losing Sophie will never get easier.